


In My Reflection (I See You)

by Willowingends



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ghosts, Hallucinations, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-11
Updated: 2019-10-11
Packaged: 2020-12-08 00:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20985125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowingends/pseuds/Willowingends
Summary: In a house filled with cursed objects, it is the mundane that haunts Sirius.





	In My Reflection (I See You)

_ Tap tap tap. _

There was that sound again. 

_ Tap tap tap. _

Commonplace, as regular as clockwork. He could set the hour by it, the rising of the moon, the falling of the stars. Constant, consistent. 

_ Tap tap tap. _

One of these days one of them would crack. He wasn't confident he would be the one to last. 

_ Tap tap tap._

Fingers against a mirror. Knocking, knocking, knocking. Look up, look up. Look at us. 

Slowly, haggardly, Sirius raised his head. There was no one else in the house, not right now. He was intimately aware of that fact. He had spent hours the first week, searching the halls for the source of that tapping. Searching for anyone who was making that noise. Anything but the truth he had had no choice but to accept now. The truth in front of his grey and sunken eyes now. 

_ Sirius._

The voice echoed through his room, through the halls. He should break the source, remove the magic. He didn't, hadn't, wouldn't. It was the last place he could see them. 

"James." He drawled, hands shaking as he tilted backwards on the bed. Staring just above those brown eyes. So warm in life, so cold as they stared him down now. 

_ Another night alone. All alone. _

All his fault. Sirius pressed at his eyes, feeling choked. Choked on the past. The past that clawed at his sides now, clawed with his own hands, leaving long lines of blood dripping down his sides. like cracks, painful reminders of every failure.

_ Failure. _

The image changed, he didn't have to look to see. He sat under the variations of his mother's words. 

_ If you weren't such a failure of a Black you wouldn't have been caught. No true son of mine would have landed in Azkaban for his crimes. _

"It wasn't me." His voice choked out, but it was useless. Speaking to the ghostly images in the full bodied mirror never solved anything. Only made their accusations worst, fueled their fire, and yet some part of him ached for that. Needed the burn of their accusations, because at least someone could see his true crimes. 

_ Wasn't you? _

Lily now, her soft and loving voice replaced with the dripping chill of venom. Weaving in to his mind. 

_ If you hadn't thought yourself so smart. So talented in ancient magics. We would be alive, we'd be with our son. But no, no. You knew so well, didn't you Sirius? You knew so well how to kill. _

A choked sob broke from him, sinking forward on to the mattress again. Shaking, unable to deny her words. 

_ Protective magic is so different from the magic we learned growing up, Sirius. You knew that. You know that. You always had a special flare for the magic of torture. Do you remember me trying to defend Kretcher from your wraith? Do you remember how angry you would get? You were always meant to kill, to embrace that side of you. It's in your blood Sirius, and all the blood over your hands. _

Regulus smiled at him as Sirius' hand lifted to rest against the cold reflection. A smile that was as hollow as his eyes. 

_ Do you think if you had been kinder I would still be alive? _

_ Do you think you deserve to suffer? _

Sirius raised his head slowly to gaze at his own face staring back at him. Cold, devoid of the haggardness he knew he still wore. Lacking the weight of guilt, of loneliness. 

A perfect image of his seventeen year old self. The him who had drank and laughed and let just too much joy spark in his veins when he teased Remus, shoved Peter. Who had felt such pleasure when curses flee from his wand and left Death Eaters writhing in pain. 

His reflection smiled at his broken state. 

_ If you just embrace that we have always been dark, have always been cursed, maybe those around you would stop dying Sirius. _


End file.
